I will make another video using your. 17-Dec-2021, DOI: 10.54615/2231-7805.47221. Then communicate every detail to your wife she deserves that. I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Psychosocial and familial functioning of children from polygynous and monogamous families. 2006;52(1); 5-17. 2.Explain the nature of your relationships with co-wives. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Then there are the kids. These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. His first marriage counted. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". Somehow, you probably have always pictured someone who has never been married. She told she was also present during the delivery. He killed her when I was nine years old and he was arrested. Table 2: Frequency of co-wives for jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness and sharing household chores as consequences of polygamous marriages (N=11). Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." 2. She said," My husband helped me to survive emotionally and financially". 5. Note that I said "freely" - emotionally guilt tripping women, threatening them with divorce or withholding custody of their children from them, and other such nefarious tactics to pressure women into 'accepting polygamy' are not equivalent to consent without coercion. While Pakistan being an Islamic state where religion allows polygamy, the more typical reasons have been observed in the current study by multiple co-wives such as infertility, a woman being a mother only by female children, love marriage, or family pressure with the reference of religious doctrine. It is an option. Here are 9 challenges of being a second wife to watch out for: Oh, this is your second wife. There is just something you feel from people when they realize you are the second wife; like you are the consolation prize, only second place. She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? Makes sense if there is no balance between males and females in a region. The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. | Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. Minor clashes are part of life to her. "If you are the second or third or fourth wife, that marital relationship is not going to be recognized for immigration purposes. Azad Chaiwala, CEO and founder of the Second Wife and Polygamy marriage websites. Bigger families imply more connections. The reverse is probably true, too: When women are taken from the marriage market, men suffer. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. Concept of one soulmate for everyone is flawed anyway. Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mothers experience was awful. Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. I'm seven months pregnant. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome. Here are some signs that you have allowed the second wife syndrome to fester in your home: Being a second wife to a married man can be overwhelming, and if you are not cautious enough, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of insecurities. Mrs. Gulzar said "I had no option other than to make a compromise and accept co-wife because of my female kids. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. Mrs. Amir was the 2nd wife and also had no children her husband married her for children and his family again forced him for 3rd wife by giving the reference of the religious doctrine. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. During my final two years in my first marriage, I was constantly telling my friends how I wanted to make my relationship work. All women were Muslims. One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. Image from The Star. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Some children may not accept a new mother or father figure, so instilling values or upholding rules with them may prove difficult. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. She said, I don't think I was the one that could not have children. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. "Risk"? When men are taken out of the marriage market by war or by prison, women suffer. It stayed almost one year that we hide our relation to his first his wife, because he told me, that he want to inform his wife, when he will be in front of her, since that she was in her home country and it . Mrs. Tanveer (first wife) has accepted the co-wife relationship because to her religion has allowed the man for multiple wives. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. Because polygamy is typically condoned only in specific regions, it may be difficult to meet other willing participants to enter a polygamous union. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. It could have been the man's problem too. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. When her husband refused, she said that she convinced and allowed her husband for second marriage. Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives they were twins, she recalls. It doesnt mean that it wont last. Both were a happy couple with 2 boys and 1 baby girl. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. Hed moved from mining to owning a taxi business. Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. She had only one daughter. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. 'I don't care about anything. 2 Meet other future spouses. Stanford University Press. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). In this concern two research experts (co-authors) were consulted. But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). In this case, I would prefer to keep my marriage to make sure my children have a bright future," she . She got a marriage proposal from a married man to be his second wife as his first wife had a medical condition due to which he had not been able to sleep with her for last 11 years. She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. He was a handsome 25-year-old who worked as a miner, and when he asked her gogo if he could marry Lillian, Nomqondiso agreed. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. 2005; 44(1): 81-98. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. A record of 26 women was collected for polygamous families through snowball sampling for the availability of co-wives. The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. But honestly, if your significant other has already had a wedding, who cares? Journalism strengthens democracy. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. After the wedding they all moved into a bigger house with cottages at the back for the children. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. Their average marriage duration was 11 years and living in the same house or compound. Polygamy is often based on traditional cultural practices or religious beliefs. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry peer review process verified at publons. The first theme was generated from the verbatim of the first question which was asked to polygamous women. I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. Couples Therapy: Whats the Difference? 2008; 148(6): 745-764. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. No, it is illegal.Under Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code, if a person marries a second time, without a divorce, while their spouse is alive, the marriage is considered bigamy, which is a punishable offense. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. It is a very common experience that discriminative behaviour of the husbands and unequal treatment with their wives causes several mental health issues in polygamous families. When even used-car dealers dont regard themselves as purveyors of second-hand merchandise, when second-hand clothes stores are now consignment shops, why should I stick with the second-wife moniker? She told, It was very shocking and tragic for me to have another female in my husband's life". Brigham Young and His Wives. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . Thats life. Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. 2014. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. "We injoi it and feele to prase the Lord." Journal of Moral Philosophy. "I'm in a traditionalist polygamist relationship. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. The findings were consistent may be due to cultural and religious resemblance because Al-Krenawi and his colleagues conducted their study in Arab states. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. Top 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before Divorce, 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, 10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse, 15 Benefits of Group Therapy in Relationships. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. In the long run, it is usually the second wife who is accepting of polygamy. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. It was a love marriage. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. And a leading women's group is applauding . For Lillian Makhubalo* it was like a blow to the heart. Polygamy; Antecedents of Polygamy; Outcomes of Polygamy; Coping Strategies of Co-wives. No one does; no little girl longs to grow up and walk down the aisle to the strains of "Here Comes the Second Bride, All Dressed in an Ivory Suit." The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. He's not a wealthy man, he has another family and I accepted that.'. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc. Lower risk that people get bored in a marriage. International Nursing Review. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." 2020; 24: 339351. In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. The co-wives were approached from their homes. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. She also said, "'my children and 1 should get a fair and deserving share of the marriage and properties". In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. "I have no physical disability that perhaps could've prompted his decision, he just decided that he needed a second wife," she says. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. Ethnology. 2007; 21(1), 108-127. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. Participant Mrs. Abdullah stated that in her pain after her 1st husband's death and later divorce from her previous husband due to barrenness when she met her third husband who dealt her effectively with her emotional pain. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. 4. An in-depth interview technique was used with probing questions to get the perception from polygamous women about their life experiences, reasons behind polygamous marriage, and what strategies were used by co-wives to deal with such relationships. Most women dreaming of settling down probably aren't imagining doing so with a man who is already married. She does not have an apartment . But here I am, married to a man who was married before. But Im his last.. A false rumour that men in Eritrea would be legally obliged to marry at least two women went viral this week. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. Accepting polygamy does not make. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. Not many people like a second wife. This prompted one Javed to petition the Supreme Court that since Muslim. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . When he proposed to her she first came to me to check if he had my blessing. Sharing household chores: Mrs. Tanveer with time accepted her co-wife and living in the same home. The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well. There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. After her husbands second marriage she said, I moved to a separate household, to me, it works best because I dont have to see her (co-wife) come into the house to visit my husband. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. He says he isnt much of a speaker. If he does so, either in public or secret, she has the right to divorce him. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. Now the first wife has no say. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. Women also support their men for polygamy if they are facing infertility to secure their marriage instead of divorce [4]. disadvantages of being a second wife islamirina emelyanova pasternak 26th February 2023 / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by The newlyweds moved to Soweto where they started a family after Nomqondiso died. She told when her husband introduced her to the other co-wives, in the beginning, they both cursed me but later they made a compromise and accepted her. To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. As she said 'I am unable to fulfill the needs or desires of my husband, so I allowed him for 2nd marriage. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. Co-wife conflict and co-operation. She said, "1st wife of my husband is working so 2nd wife of my husband and I used to manage the household chores. And reassure her of your love. They found his second wife together a woman who was a regular on one of his taxi routes. Though plural marriage is banned in developed courtiers, it is surprisingly common, and popular, that 55% of the women share their husbands in developed countries while an average of 16% of women in less developed nations. But after few months it was disclosed. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. Both babies were through cesarean. Being Muslim doesn't change the biology of pain, of envy, and of sadnessthese are human emotions that are consequences of the act.