Ray J and Princess Love are giving their marriage another shot. I was married for nearly 40 years and I have known him for 50 years. Shelia sorry to hear about your story. According to multiple reports, the singer has requested to dismiss his divorce case against Princess. Sad. She left because she no longer wanted marriage and to go down the path we were heading e.g. I take strange comfort in the fact that you still hurt 36 years after your divorce: I realise it sounds odd but the comfort is in knowing that Im not the only one who cannot move on as I was told to over and over again. My heart is breaking. Couple years later, I still float back into hope and denial stages. Try to find joy in the fact that you have those feelings for her instead of focusing on the pain of losing her. Emotional Symptoms of Divorce. It hurts badly, no matter how long. I wish him a happy life after all, if you truly love someone, you want them to be happy, even if it is not with you. Am I happy where I am now, DEFINITELY. I still love the woman I thought I married and I am angry at the emotional manipulation and pain she metered out to me which ended with the beginning of her second marriage. He blamed me and said he had been unhappy for years. Now I do not trust myself for having been so wrong. Every former boyfriend has told me I am still in love with him. a loss of appetite. Don't give up on yourself or your life for a mistake you think you made 10 years ago. My life was unraveling before my eyes. I will give my daughter away to her man at the alter with trepidation and, as has been said, I will smile whilst enduring the pain of a family event without the man with whom I created her. There is nothing wrong with you other than youve not accepted where you are now and let go of the hopes and plans you had when married. Im deeply sad about the while situation and got the whole just get over it speech from my therapist this afternoon. I wished I had not been so trusting and in love 21 years ago. I will say this never again will I give any women a chance to hurt me . You may continue hurting 10 years later because of being fed with negative information of your ex-wife thereby holding you from getting over your past hurts. I love my daughter dearly and wouldnt want it any other way. My head knows the Lawsuit has no value. But the pain of all of it never really went away. Thank you for this - sadly after 20 years and 2 young kids we split 3.5 years ago. Good luck to everyone here as well divorce is tough but we are tougher . AlternativeDepressionTherapy.com 2005-2023. I wanted to keep my family together but could not. Might have been easier on me emotionally if he had died. Along with the occasional look of, "Mhmm, sure.". Ali November 14, 2015 At 1:56 pm. Give yourself time to heal and recover from the pains of being apart. This also resonates with me. As for my children, I hope I have been a model of resourcefulness and curiosity, of determination and positivism. It makes me feel less alone, and it lets me know that its OK, Im not going crazy, haha! Friends and families will help you overcome the pain of divorce 10 years later. His children have never been told his address and were informed of his second marriage after the event. For me, the pain will never go away. Moving on after divorce is hard when all you do is live the past instead of the present. I am not happy but it still gives me joy to see my kids and grandkids and makes me smile. At the moment its him using we/our in his e-mails because I am having his sister to stay. And I miss hugs and kisses. I have tried to console myself by saying, "leaving my ex was the most compassionate thing I could do since he deserved to be desired by someone". I believe it's one of the fastest methods of emotional healing and transformation available today; You can learn to use tapping on your own, or see a therapist who uses meridian tapping.The aspects of "guilt" and "regret" should be at the top of the list of "tapping targets" to work on. I used to pray (if you can consider chain smoking outside your apt. feelings of . I had spent so many years waiting for the affair again shoe to drop but realized, it was not a concern anymore, the cheater was out of my life. Ive been struggling with anxiety. I feel completely abandoned and alone. Again if comforting to know that Im not alone in what I am still feeling . Yeah.). But, I was wrong. It makes me hide a little bit of my truth (the sadness) from people. Related: Healing From A Relationship With A Narcissist Before jumping ahead to the realities of life after divorce from a narcissist, it's worth summarizing the tell-tale traits of self-absorbed personality.. 7 Traits of a Narcissist I am in a much better place than I was 10 year ago but lately I have been profoundly sad but I now understand that the grief never really leaves us, it sits on our shoulder as a reminder of what could have been. Needless to say, they do not see him and rarely communicate with him. All rights reserved. I struggle through. Think Im going to leave her too. I only ever did what I thought was best for my children at the time, but guess that wasnt enough. It truly helps to know Im not alone in this. But the pain lingers under the surface always. Even got the dogshe is small not big! The sadness and hurt came subtly and hovered over me. You may have stayed in an unsatisfactory relationship for a long time because you were afraid of dealing with the changes that splitting up forces upon you. God sees our pain, our tears. Now, as I hear my son tell me how her second marriage is deteriorating memories that I buried through hard work refresh themselves as if they are new. What I learned: Never let your guard down entirely, and he or she with the deepest pockets wins. My ex gave up her life,family and friends in another country to marry me 30 years ago. Done. I just do not what I am frightened of. Although it may be different than the one you imagined, after a divorce you do still have a future to look forward to. All in all, I am at a standstill. }] Oh, so difficult! You may have realized this after ten years; there is no need to worry, accept and take the challenge and be assured that in a short while, and pain will be past tense. This is an excellent explaination of how divorce has affected me. Its been more than a dozen years, but the fact of my divorce, the speed with which the marriage unraveled, the ease with which my spouse moved on, the tumultuous aftermath that dragged on for a decade, the onslaught of related losses All of it still hurts. Feeling lost after a divorce is natural and common. "name": "Is moving on after divorce hard? Im also thankful that there were no answers in your message. Intense anger may be the main reason most former spouses have no interest in. I have not been able to get over my pre-divorce delusion that our marriage was solid, and that he loved me deeply. If you happen to go beyond such, then it will be presumed as the marriage was still in existence, and whatever abuse was there will always remain, and the pain of divorce at this point will never go away. Effects of Divorce on Children: 6 to 11 Years Old. Ray J . But we weathered storms, my children are now young men, and they will find their own way as we all must, with time. But also: stronger relationships with their kids, finding peace, and settling into a new sense of normal that feels, well, okay. Perhaps it is an aftereffect of the years I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Time does not heal all wounds. Im just so broken. I am happy for her and my kids to be having a good life but it still hurts to be left behind. Love is not something outside us , but is our very essence. While I am not a mom, I am a dad. She took the house, my business, my kids my heart and happiness. It is best if the communication was limited on business issues only, for example, if the ex-spouse has a role to play in bringing up the children, then allow the communication to be focused solely on the child support. He and the new wife (yes I still call her that) have been married the same amount of time we were. Her mom has never recovered, neither have my daughter or myself for that matter. Transformational Coaching and Psychotherapy, Benjamin Schwarcz, MFT, ACAP-EFT, Santa Rosa Psychotherapist and Coach, Psychedelic Somatic Interactional Psychotherapy, EFT Clinical Consultation for Health Professionals, Tapping Into Joy: Meridian Tapping and Mindfulness for Depression. Know how you feel, Sheila, & there is no easy way through the pain. Valerie and Jennifer hit it right on. And the recent weddings for two of our sons? However, in as much as the pain is there, its good to mourn but this should not take forever, one should get to know the way out and know how to get out of it, then move on. But you have to stop punishing yourself and adding to the belief that you lost your one and only chance for true love. You really cant talk to anyone about it. Purpose to become happy, engage in a relationship that matters and invests in yourself in a better way. I feel so sad for anyone in this position, and hope they get some relief in their situation. I never should have married the guy in the first place, but divorcing him was just horrible. At the 10-year mark, by and large, the person who wanted the divorce is doing better than the one who didn`t want it. Ive remarried,but the grass is not greener over here.How I wish I could turn back time. Its very difficult to see a future for myself. After a happy 28-year marriage, we're getting a divorce. My children are grown and many milestones are coming up. I do wish you peace, as I wish this for everyone in our situation. Theres no going back, only accepting what lies behind & making the best of what is left. This has sent me spiralling downward as this was something the ex an I had planned to doand spend summers with our grandchildren(eventually). The deep pain of losing a relationship is based on the belief that your peace and your joy lies within the other person, and without them, you have no access to these feelings. I have had a similar situation. Accept, move on and be ready to overcome any challenges that come along the way. It matters. I googled this lingering pain. But I still think what I did, in leaving him was the worst thing I've ever done or will ever do and it absolutely breaks my heart. Ben's Answer:The relationships that break our heart the most are often based on an idealized image of the person that we lost. My ex moved on, remarried a month after the divorce. So when I need to cry, I just let it out. He frankly pales in comparison but after all the lonely years and horrible men, I'm so grateful to have him. He was a longtime alcoholic, but quit (cold turkey) four or five years before he left. I dont know if I have ever felt such an awful feeling of loss besides the death of my parents. When one of my kids remarked that he thought there was a profound sadness in me, I was taken aback. 'We were still in love when our marriage ended' I got divorced because of a communication breakdown (that oversimplifies it, really) but I regret it because we were probably still in love when. the pain is there every day . If you can't see a therapist to talk to about your feelings, remember that self-care after a breakup is key. The marriage deteriorated. Best artical I have read on divorce. Its now 10 years since my husband walked out after 29 years of marriage, and having had an affair with his now partner for eight months before he did so. Why isnt that enough? Wow, I was taken aback by this editors unkindness and lack of compassion. Then I feel the empty space profoundly not for a man I do not miss but where a family history of four ought to be. I do not want to be with my ex as he did some very bad things, but I mourn for the loss of our whole family as a unit and broken promises. Divorce can be hard on children but, equally, so can watching parents fight and endure a loveless marriage "for the sake of the kids.". Yes, I am male. Cant Get Your Ex Out Of Your Head? Im still feeling the wound 36 years after the divorce. But love, sadly, is not always enough when it comes to marriage, and we deal with it in the best way possible. You deserve to feel love and to love and be loved. Still, I can only imagine that he, too, senses the sorrow that is part of who I am. Please Click Here to Read Legal Disclaimer Before Utilizing this site. I live my life, then something triggers the pain all over again, even a simple thing like a beautiful sunset: why isnt he here to share this? Its like a phantom limb. Granted i have full custody of my two kids but whats broken can not be fixed with money or any tool in my tool box. You need to get out of your head and into your life. I lost multiply job. The dust never settles is an apt idiom for those of us who carry an unexplainable sadness deep down even though they have moved on. The community of comments was especially helpful in affirming that I am not unusual and that this is the reality of the human experience. Cheers to a better tomorrow! Through much pain and even more growth, Ive built a wonderful new life for myself, but I still grieve sometimes for what was lost. The descriptors are poignant and cathartic to say the least. Especially finding out about the other persons affair 2 years later and how it was happening for much longer. The divorce was my idea. I have a great relationship now and am engaged. I feel I was used long enough to help her get her Masters degree and pay bills then I was no longer needed. In addition, research suggests people who experience a significant life event such as divorce are 2.5 to 9.4 times more likely to develop depression. We have 2 grown children now1 doing very well, the other still trying to find his way. I thought is wasnt normal to still feel guilty 10 years later. If left for another person, the pain is unbearable at times. ", It's not a bad place to be. crying spells. I hurt for my children and having to share new memories with her and that part makes me sad.